Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Rumble strips road head = magical
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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