porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
