he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
