After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
