Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
how drunk are you?
Several
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
