PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Randomize
