go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
