I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
