bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
We got so high we made milksteak
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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