How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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