I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize