I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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