So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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