I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
