i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
