Its about making memories worth repressing
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
