i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
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