If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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