Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
My ass is underappreciated
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Randomize
