Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
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