Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
