your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
