Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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