My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Randomize
