Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize
