unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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