you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize