remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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