I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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