I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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