I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
