I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
