Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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