I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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