Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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