just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
