I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Randomize
