hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
