just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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