you would pick up someone in the library
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
