Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
