I feel like I'm in dance class right now
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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