i think i have two assholes
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
either way he was missing a nipple.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Randomize
