You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
That accounts for only three of the penises
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
