respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
