She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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