Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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