I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
