Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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