wanna go halves on a baby?
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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