i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize