The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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