I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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