I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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