its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
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