So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Green mimosas i think yes
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
