Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
