I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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