i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I wish i was in the wii world.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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