god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
