Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
