he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
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