o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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