i just wanna soil my oats bro
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
