just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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