Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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