wat bout pragnant strippers??
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
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