I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize