So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
