I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
