her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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