i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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