i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
