Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
